So drunk its hurt
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
