Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
