Cold hands, warm shart.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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