I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
