I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
