Plan B is the new Plan A
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
