WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
