dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
