why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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