but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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