I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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