So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
