Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
