i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.