apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls