I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dating After Heartbreak
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"