If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
