Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
