There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
