WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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