She is in my trunk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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