TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
