I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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