Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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