I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
