She's JV to your varsity
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
