there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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