Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
