what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
