I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
