My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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