My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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