Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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