Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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