I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
