Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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