So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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