This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
