So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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