I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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