I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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