You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
