I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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