my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
