We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
