I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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