That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
