recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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