i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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