I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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