You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
