So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it's like heaven, but drunker
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
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Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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