So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
