I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
