FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The power of my boobs compel you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
