she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
