mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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