Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
