people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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