And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
