im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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