Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Olympian is in my bed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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