Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
