paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you win again, gameday.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
