No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
