YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
